Back to My Roots
I am Asian. I am American. I am Asian American. Now while I fully embrace all that this loaded word means to me, bridging the cultures and traditions of generations of oppressed Chinese peasants and ancestors with American pop culture and all its nuances, that doesn’t eradicate a nagging tension within me. Something has bothered me for a long time. Chinese people.
It’s just that when I read about the Chinese in the arts and culture sector, how come we’re not cool? I mean, Koreans have Rain, director Chan Wook Park, Kollaboration headed up by P.K., and so forth. The entertainment community there is strong – they support each other’s efforts. Indians have Diwali, Russell Peters and Sharukh Khan and Aishwarya Rai, the god and goddess, respectively, of Bollywood cinema. I see these people groups come together advocating the achievements of their communities, but why aren’t the Chinese keeping up?
Sure, there’s Vanness Wu and Daniel Wu (no relation), but face it, they’re more eye candy than anything else. The Chinese just don’t have the same mass affection for Jackie Chan, Lucy Liu or, God bless him, William Hung [check out Giles' post on Mr. Hung here].
Or maybe it’s not even about resurrecting old traditions like lion dancing, kung fu fighting, erhu-playing or cheongsam-wearing.
I used to think of Chinese and Chinese Americans as drastically juxtaposed as night and day. On the one hand, there are the well-heeled girls who dress up for school every day, dudes with crazy neo-mullets, who eat Chinese, speak Chinese, belt out karaoke covers of their favorite Hong Kong pop stars and wear their Chinese-ness proudly on their sleeves like a V.I.P. badge. In essence, fobs to the max (no offense to fobs). Chinese movies are cheesy and loud with ridiculous Triad-esque fight scenes and damsels in predictable distress, or period films with people done up in empire garb, pigtails and singing opera.
On the other hand, I thought of third or fourth generation Chinese Americans who grew up on a steady diet of pizza, soda and emo rock, who didn’t care about their roots or learning their native tongue, and who were basically white-washed. Where were the people in-between? Who could I identify with?
So began my journey as a shy child who lived in her own imaginary world of fantasy and pretend, scribbling down stories and plays into her black-and-white composition notebook. My younger sister and I would spend hours creating fiction and spin-offs of our favorite novel characters (“Harriet the Spy,” for one). We made up settings because we weren’t comfortable in our real-life setting – the scene we were living in on a daily basis. Transplanted to suburbia, I was confronted with a rude awakening. Some people didn’t want to be friends with me because I looked different than them. It wasn’t in obvious ways; the snubbing was always subtle. At first, we would get along, but after awhile, I noticed I wouldn’t get invited to as many play-dates. The moms would treat my folks coolly at school plays and musicals. I took offense to that: no one disrespects my mom.
A part of me was ashamed: my grandparents came to my elementary school plays but they smelled like Chinese cooking – a pungent odor of fish and soy sauce – and Grandma didn’t speak any English. Growing up, I refused to go to Chinese school or learn Cantonese because I was afraid that people wouldn’t accept me, that I would be marked with a scarlet “A” for my crime: being Asian. It seems so silly now.
But I’m diverging from my main topic. Maybe the Chinese community’s disconnectedness is a generational thing. Plenty of Chinese Americans have been in the States for a long time, since the days of toiling away at the railroads back in the 1800s. Our ancestors’ first inclinations were to assimilate, because otherwise, they would be ridiculed, denied jobs, deported, or worse. Economic security was valued more than expression of self. Granted, this same mentality can be attributed to other Asian groups, but I don’t see the same level of commitment to the Chinese American community. We’ve ceased to respect our old traditions, or we’ve let the industry twist them into “Oriental” media packages. Heck, you can even buy your daughter a mandarin-collar dress for Halloween so she can masquerade as a pretty Chinese girl. Is this what we want our kids to become?
Where’s our Chinese pride at? One of the reasons Chinese Americans lack community as a whole, in comparison to other Asian American communities, is because it’s so hard to categorize us. There are over 1.3 billion Chinese in the world today (oh! Yellow Peril!), and we don’t plan on stopping. However, the Chinese are divided by their regional cultures and language: often, we don’t even speak the same dialect, and can’t understand each other. Which brings up another problem: what to make of the Taiwanese? They speak Mandarin, but their political affiliations are completely separate from mainland China. They are a culture and (arguably) country, it seems, of their own.
I’ve since recognized that it doesn’t do any good to compare progress if you’re not going to do anything about it. Also, the Chinese don’t suck. There are plenty of Chinese Americans among the lot of rising Asian American talent. Communities grow at different paces. So support your AA artists, activists, filmmakers, musicians and writers. Learn about your history, your traditions and how you can grow your own community. It may be among the most vital steps you can take for yourself. I know it was for me.
Disclaimer: This piece is not intended to bash the Chinese or Chinese American people. It’s an evaluation of self, and about coming to terms with identity.
[Picture from Gene Luen Yang's American Born Chinese.]
Last 5 posts by sarah
- Ryness chats about their Ahh Sum roots - February 15th, 2008
- A Vintage Touch - February 1st, 2008
- 20 Questions with Big Phony (or more like 18) - January 23rd, 2008
Tags: American Born Chinese, Chinese, Chinese Americans, Commentary, Community, Identity, Progress.
hey! I’m third generation Chinese American and I didn’t grow up on pizza, soda, or emo!
I think that part of the gap could also be the length that Chinese Americans have been in this county. while some have been here since the 1800s, others have only recently immigrated. that can make for some drastically different experiences and values.
which means that you’re right, it’s our responsibility to define community - both for us as Chinese Americans and as Asian Americans.
Chinese immigration to the US is maybe the least cohesive storyline of all Asian groups, or maybe all immigrant groups. Large portions came in the late 19th century, again in the 1960s, and again in the 1980s/early 90s, and again now.
And the first group spoke Toisanese/Cantonese, the second mostly Mandarin, the 3rd mostly Cantonese, the most recent largely Fukanese and Mandarin…
We’re spread out too. Urban, suburban. Wealthy and working class. Over-educated and never schooled. Assimilationist and race critical. Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist…
As a young child I could only see “Americanized” Chinese and “Chinese” Chinese - or bananas and FOBs - and i couldn’t see nobody as individual people because it was just easier to accept the shorthand that is presented to us thru TV and literature. I started accepting that mythology as my own history, and so I was embarassed or even ashamed to be who I was, because I believed that being Chinese was an obstacle to being your own person. Still most people you’ll come across today believe this shit. About all races actually, all immigrant groups, many religions, except definitely not about straight white American-born men.
But the shorthand is that if you are Chinese - and by extension Asian I believe cuz folks don’t know the difference - you can’t be proud cuz you have nothing to be proud of. But more than that, you cannot be an individual because your personality is already one of 3 or 4 accepted Chinese personalities.
I touched on this in an essay I wrote about my Asian-Asian marriage about how other people see an Asian-Asian marriage as less complete than interracial couplings. There’s an assumption that we allow each other to fall into familiar roles (domineering and stubborn husband/subservient and afraid wife).
Anyway this is too long, but I think there are a million different ways you could talk about these issues.
by the way, who says Chinese people are not cool? I am SO cool.
You bringing back the subject of interracial relationships, eh? Well, let me just say that couples in interracial couplings who feel their relationships are better are delusional. I don’t think patriarchy turns a blind eye to interracial couples.
I think people with limited vision tend to want to categorize and see you as something other than you as an individual. I can be guilty of this too because sometimes it is easier; that doesn’t make it right though.
I’m glad that Giles is a cool Chinese person, cause now I know someone who is cool. And that takes me a step closer to realizing my self-coolness.
And don’t forget the coolest and most famous Asian American was Chinese American. I’m talking about none other than Li Xiaolong, a.k.a. Lee Jun Fan, a.k.a. Bruce Lee.
I’m glad this got people talking..I’m not trying to generalize anyone’s experience. Clearly, generational and geographical differences play a part in people’s identification. At the end of the day, I discovered that we ARE cool, Chinese American or not. Much love to Bruce Lee. My dad’s sifu trained with him, but that’s another story…
Yes, you are cool too, Giles. =P
When I look back on this entry, this sentence jumps out at me:
“Something has bothered me for a long time. Chinese people.”
Hahaha. It’s funny now, but if it was a white dude who said that, of course, we’d be fightin.
haha it was meant to spark conversation. i guess it worked.
[...] Sarah’s post touched on the duality of Asian folk, too: you either go ‘fobulous,’ or go ‘twinkie’. I suppose you could go ‘hip hop,’ or go ‘Jewish,’ too. All of this seems to imply a lack of authenticity. It’s a thorny question that often doesn’t produce any objective truth. [...]
everything comes back to IR at some point
If I knew what IR stood for, I would understand your comment.
yeah, i second eugene. care to explain for us less-enlightened peeps?